She was a good Jewish wife who kept true to her religious faith, and she let a lot roll off her back because her husband wasn't worth a dime and she had no choice. The way Tateh treated her, they'd call her an "abused woman" today. Back then they just called you "wife." And a man could do anything he wanted to his wife
The Color of Water | Andrew McBride
As much as The Color of Water is a black man's tribute to his white mother, it also read as a tribute to her mother. They were very different women with very different hardships and husbands, but they both had the same inner strength, fortitude, resilience. They both cared deeply for their children and dedicated their lives to their families. They both created noble legacies that outlived them.
It's completely heartbreaking to read about the physical, psychological, and emotional abuse Hudis Shilsky was forced to endure for the entirety of her marriage when she was helpless and faultless: humiliated and scorned for her physical limitations by the one who was supposed to pity and protect her. As heartbreaking as it is, it's also inspiring and moving to read about the grace, dignity, and kindness she exuded in the face of all her suffering. The worst of her husband brought out the best in her, showing the world what a wonderful woman he had and failed so miserably to deserve.
It wasn't just his wife who suffered from his abuse, though.
just trying to bury my past and get away from my father, but when I started to tell Dennis what I was doing, I felt so ashamed, because the look on his face said it all.
He said, "Ruth, your parents have done nothing to you that was so bad to make you run around with that man. That man's a pimp. He's a pimp and he's leading you around by the nose." And he sat there and he kind of fumed. He wasn't angry. He just seemed disappointed.
I felt so ashamed
After years of being subjected to sexual abuse and what would be considered labor trafficking today, Rachel changed her name to Ruth and left the household she had been raised in. She ran away, but she nearly ran into the same kind of trouble she had been running from. She nearly ran into it knowingly, willingly even, disillusioned with a façade of freedom and control—had it not been for her future husband. He redefined what it meant to be a man—a man of God, a man of his word, a man of the house, a husband and father. And after he passed, she met another man who loved and cared for his wife and family
When I told your stepfather about how my sister and Aunt Betts treated me, he spoke about them without bitterness or hate. "You don't need them to help you," he said. "I'll help you for the rest of my life if you'll marry me," which I did, and God bless him, he was as good as his word
Today, there's so much contention today gender roles and family dynamics, so much history and debate over what it means to be a man or woman, husband or wife, father or mother. They're sensitive topics, and it's good that they're discussed, but some things shouldn't be controversial. It's not offensive or unfair to condemn abuse, to cite its profound impact, to be angered by it. It's not shameful or regressive for a woman to want a husband, to have a family, to raise children. It's not misogynistic or toxic for a man to provide for his wife and children, to protect them, to care for them. For each, it's not about gender roles or social issues or even about family. It's simply about love